#104 : WHAT I EAT IN A WEEK / VEGAN SHAMBLES

Don’t laugh at me.

I became a vegan kind of like I got sober: on a random day in November, without planning on it at all. Not-new subscribers might recall I did the Prolon Cleanse, beloved by celebs like Bill Maher and New York City’s It Girl queen Cory Kennedy, late last year. It’s vegan by default: all soups, crackers, olives and nut bars. I did the thing for five days, then, following Prolon official advice, ate vegan protein on my “transition” day back to regular meals. Then, in a weird twist, I simply…never ate meat, dairy or honey ever again. 

Veganism—“animal product sobriety”, if you will—isn’t for everybody, just like being 100% drug and alcohol free isn’t for everyone. I was vegetarian from age 12 to 17, and for me…it’s not that hard.

My family will tell you: I have always been squeamish. I’m one of those people who refused to eat seafood—fish, lobster, calamari, you name it—as a child, then carried that into adulthood. My whole life, I wouldn't touch veal, lamb, or duck, either, and in the last five years, I’d more or less stopped eating pork. I disliked eggs until my late twenties, when I started eating omelets; I still detest mayonnaise, and have never eaten egg salad or a hard boiled egg. I never ate fat—like, gristle. I’ve never tasted caviar, rabbit, venison, paté, fois gras, sweetbreads, or raw meat, like steak tartare.

What I did like, and eat a ton of, was chicken and turkey, and to a lesser extent, beef. And I certainly ate plenty of cheese, Greek yogurt, and all that good stuff. I miss some of those foods, just like I miss white wine. But there are so many other things to eat, and there are so many other things to drink.

I also always liked vegan food, vegan choices. I always kept soy milk or almond milk in the house instead of dairy milk. I ate vegan lunch every day: this tastes-like-pizza frozen veggie burger patty, with a huge side salad. I love carrots and hummus and kale and mango and popcorn and lentils and smoothies and sorbet and salads and all that crunchy health food stuff. My favorite food of all time is a sliced apple, peanut butter and a little rock salt. YUM.

And beyond food? I’ve felt so much closer to “humankind” since getting sober—with the true, pure state of walking this planet, as ancient people did, without drugs and alcohol. In the same way, I’ve felt a spiritual connection with animals since flipping the switch. I’m not gonna go into veganism too much more except to say that for me, it’s a very happy word, and I do think that’s why people who go vegan never shut up about it, then leading everyone to hate them.

ANYWAY. Here is my exact diet. Don’t laugh too hard at my sad-looking "single gal" meals. Remember, I was addicted to speed for 25 years, so I don’t cook (the limp grey chicken sausages I ate before veganism would have looked even worse). Also, the lighting in my kitchen at 8 PM is psych ward-esque, so the dinners photographed awful. I Pixlr-ed the packaging in to try to cheer up the images; I’m not sure it worked. LOL.